Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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