More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize