yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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