The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
