Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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