Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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