i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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