Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
