the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
