Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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