Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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