So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
