how can u be prego again
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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