i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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