If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
