So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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