last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
