He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
