Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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