You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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