mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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