Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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