Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
