Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
