and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
