What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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