I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
