You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
