Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
