my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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