She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
