I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
