New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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