i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
