My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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