Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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