Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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