genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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