she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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