Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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