You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
