the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
