hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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