so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
