my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
