dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
