I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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