You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
