you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
