it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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