Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
