Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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