If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
