i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
