im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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