Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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