she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
