Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
