Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
