I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
